Written Five Years Ago While Working For California Department of Corrections; A Stark Reminder of the Path Leading to Self Love, Self Care & Teaching Others How To Protect Themselves From Monsters

I have never heard anyone ask for the definition of “Monster.” There seems to be an unspoken understanding when it comes to labeling someone a monster.

1 a : an animal or plant of abnormal form or structure
b : one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character
2 : a threatening force
3 a : an animal of strange or terrifying shape
b : one unusually large for its kind
4 : something monstrous; especially : a person of unnatural or extreme ugliness, deformity, wickedness, or cruelty
5 : one that is highly successful
Origin: Middle English monstre, from Anglo-French, from Latin monstrum omen, monster, from monēre to warn — more at mind.


I’ve danced with many monsters in my lifetime. I’ve loved them and learned from them. I’ve worked along side them (peers) and treat them (patients); except, there is no treatment or cure for them.
Until the recent past, I found myself putting forth great effort in trying to understand them. I wanted to understand,” WHY?” And also what the fuck? How the fuck? What’s wrong with them? Why would they…? How could they?
My mentor and colleagues told me in different ways,”What you’re doing wrong is attempting to make sense of their behavior.” Or “Remember, the ‘why’ is irrelevant.”
It makes sense, now. Although, when it finally clicked, I felt disgusted. Disgusted at my own ignorance; having learned how to Tango with this breed of human, in-vivo; up close and personal.
On the bright side, it is never too late to respect realization when it sets in.

I ask this of myself frequently.
I am locked in with predaceous men 40 hours a week. Men who stand before me and tower. They sit across the table from me in a 12 by 12 room. I walk side by side while conversing with them. I am responsible for 30 men; but hundreds know me and greet me by name…and I am not frightened.
I am not afraid because I’ve learned how to read every nuance of the behavior I longed to understand. I can predict what they will do and say. It is easy for me because essentially; monsters are all the same.
They want something. Whether it’s tangible, psychological or both. They want.

I become a chameleon.
When interacting with a serial rapist my brain works like a serial rapist. During an exchange with a pedophile; I use the brain of a pedophile. While conversing with narcissistic, borderline or antisocial personality disordered individuals, I become …
Predators/monsters study prey. I have studied predators for most of my life and have always been adept at spotting them; even as a child. I am in their head and predicting, quite successfully, what they will do next. After a forty hour week of living in their heads I wonder whether I am like them.
I need to decompress.
I am not like them because I am not a predator. I don’t study people to see how I can take advantage of them and abuse them. I morph to remain safe when amongst them. Unlike monsters who use manipulation to conquer and destroy unsuspecting humans.

Unattractive and sick. He knows for certain something is wrong with him. He may admit to feeling like a monster. He may even know he is perceived to be a monster; but he is unable to articulate just what it is about him. Despite knowing something isn’t right with him; he is confounded by the mere suggestion of another, that something is off about his behavior.
The Devil is apt to take offense when confronted; so beware for he is skilled at eluding responsibility and blame. He considers himself more clever than any of the people around him. He will pervert everything in his path in order to make his point.
The Devil is an assessor. He can do so by avoiding your eyes because he fears you will see him for what he is: The Devil.
OR, he will meet your eyes with confidence and dapper charm because he knows you are asleep to his motives. He will derive enjoyment from succeeding in making you his target. Unbeknownst to you, along with his faux friendship and scripted love comes chaos and destruction. His disappearance indicates you’ve grown insipid. . . and he is off to the next.


Shout out to:
ORPHAN, Breakfast House for their free WiFi and letting me sit around while finishing this essay.
3440 C Street
Sacramento, CA


The Root of our Scrubs


The Root Cause: “the fundamental reason for the occurrence of the problem.”

As a therapist, I like looking for root causes. In my view, if an individual seeks assistance because they want to remedy an outcome… that’s fabulous! For some, it may be beneficial to explore what lies beneath. This entails tracing the causal chain back to it’s root.

The Root Chakra or Muladhara represents human development, survival instincts and basic human needs. It reminds me of Maslows Hierarchy When deciding to make self-love products associated with each chakra, we chose an exfoliating scrub as the product to represent the first chakra. This chakra keeps us grounded; when balanced we are in harmony. An unbalanced root leads to disconnection and dysfunction.

If you were lucky enough to be born into a family where you were nurtured, you may have an easier time maintaining balance when you need to get through challenging times. There are many negative behavioral patterns and mental health issues that stem from disruptive and negative family experiences; especially for those of us who were mistreated and unprotected by our own. If your family or tribe provided safety, security, nurturing and love. . .  there’s a good chance you are not only rooted in your tribe, but also within.

When we ground ourselves we give space for all the negative energy to be cleansed away allowing us to stand in our power with supportive roots. We can heal!

There are numerous grounding techniques. We chose exfoliation for the root as it signifies scrubbing away that which is no longer necessary, removing and letting go. Exfoliating removes barriers, unclogs, stimulates and increases circulation. The majority of our exfoliators are made with pink Himalayan sea salt and all natural and organic carrier oils like jojoba, olive, coconut, avocado and sweet almond.

Jojoba oil has anti inflammatory properties that help ease a plethora of skin issues (redness, chapped, chaffed, dry, rosacea, eczema). Jojoba also has vitamin E and B complex which assists in repairing damaged skin. Olive oil is composed of many antioxidants that fight against oxidation, premature aging and environmental skin damage. Coconut oil promotes collagen and is capable of preventing infection due to its antibacterial properties. Avocado oil is full of moisturizing agents and nutrients that are easily absorbed. It’s an anti inflammatory, prevents acne, accelerates healing, treats sun burns and reduces signs of aging. Sweet almond oil does all of the above and more.

In addition to using oils that greatly benefit the epidermis, we infuse oils with herbs and flowers grown in our pesticide free garden. The herbs used in our recipes change with our seasons. It summer time! This means we have many to choose from: rose, chamomile, mint, sage, marjoram, thyme are the herbs we frequently use during this time of year.

Rose petals are antiseptic, anti-inflammatory with antimicrobial properties. Chamomile is an antiseptic, carminative, analgesic, febrifuge, digestive, sudorific and vermifuge. Mint is a calming and soothing herb that is rich in antioxidants and nutrients. Sage balances the mind, reduces anxiety, promotes tranquility and relaxation. Marjoram benefits are attributed to its analgesic, antispasmodic, aphrodisiac, antiseptic, antiviral, bactericidal, carminative, diaphoretic properties. Thyme is an herb that has been historically associated with good health and spirit; believed to strengthen and purify the body.


Our current exfoliators:

  1. Iahla (pink Himalayan sea salt, black lava Hawaiian sea salt, epsom salt, jojoba oil, olive oil infused with lavender, gardenia, peony and hibiscus essential oils and Vitamin E)
  2. Patchouli & Coconut (Pink Himalayan sea salt, black lava Hawaiian sea salt, epsom salt, olive oil, jojoba oil, pure patchouli oil, coconut fragrance oil and vitamin E)
  3. Lavender & Menthol (pink Himalayan sea salt, black lava Hawaiian sea salt, epsom salt, pure lavender and menthol essential oils and vitamin E)
  4. First Love (black lava Hawaiian sea salt, pink Himalayan sea salt, epsom salt, coconut oil, jojoba oil, pure nagarmotha oil, pure orris root oil, all natural Australian sandalwood, pure violet oil, pure cardamom oil and vitamin E)
  5. The Root (black lava Hawaiian sea salt, red alaea Hawaiian sea salt, olive oil, jojoba oil infused with fresh rosemary, all natural citrus essential oil and vitamin E)







Our shop currently has 14 soap varieties: Our current soaps are all olive oil and coconut oil based. We use organic olive oil, organic coconut oil, organic vitamin E with essential oils. Some essential oil are “organic” while others are “all natural” or “100% pure.”

We infuse the olive oil with herbs grown in our garden. We treat our plants well and don’t use any pesticides.

  1. Neroli & Basil
  2. Lemon & Sage
  3. Orange, Mint, Coffee
  4. Vetiver & Marjoram
  5. Palmarosa & Marjoram
  6. Pineapple & Chamomile
  7. Patchouli, Coconut
  8. Orange Thyme
  9. Mint Peppermint
  10. Dragons Blood & Mint
  11. Cherry Vanilla
  12. Rose
  13. Iahla (Hibiscus, Gardenia, Peony) infused with lavender
  14. Light Citrus (sweet orange, orange and lemon)

The Queens Musk


The Queens Musk is our newest solid fragrance.

A couple months ago we posted a request on our Facebook and Instagram pages-asking individuals to tell us what kind of skin and massage oil they’d like to see. We also stated, if we used their suggestion, we’d ship them the products for free…as a gift.

A young woman suggested Egyptian Musk and her Handle included the word “Queen.” But that isn’t why it’s named The Queens Musk. My husband refers to me as his Queen. As right as he may be, that isn’t why it’s The Queens Musk. I’ve been familiar with the scent for approximately two decades. I grew nostalgic at her suggestion. To me Egyptian musk is a gentle, strong, sexy scent. Appropriate for all, but the name always made me think of the Queen of Egypt.

Pure, high quality Egyptian Musk oil is paired with another musky oil and the two mingle well together. This grade of Egyptian Musk oil is much, much lighter than the synthetic grade Egyptian Musk oil; thus it required an addition, especially for a solid fragrance.

Ingredients: all natural sweet almond oil infused with lavender grown in our pesticide free garden, organic beeswax, Egyptian Musk fragrance oil, Nag Champa fragrance oil, organic vitamin E oil

It also comes with a bonus ounce. The label reads two ounces, but I ordered the larger container by accident.



Thank You!

We are sending thank you boxes out to the Thin Blue Line family around the United States. There are those in our family who don blue and place their lives on the line for others. Aaron and I have witnessed the selflessness with our own eyes; we comprehend what it’s like to work very, very hard in a field that is thankless and taken for granted. There is good and bad everywhere.

Our aim is to focus on the good…the positive.

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